Love Sincerely, Hurt Deeply

I called daddy yesterday, to check whether they will return to Hengyang to spend the moon festival with my younger sisiters. The answer is “no”. He said since I wouldn’t be there, it was meaningless for them to make such a long trip. What’s more, Mom has serious car sickness.
 
I know that, for all these years, my parents want to spend more time together with me, as they could rarely see me. But I was born to be too treacherous and unruly to live with them in harmony for more than 3 days. Though I sincerely love them from the bottom of my heart, every meet was ended up with a conflict between daddy and me.
 
Daddy is a very proud and dominant person, he always tries to maintain his controlling position, which makes us very uncomfortable. And the worst thing is, I am like him very much in some aspects. That’s why it’s hard for us to be together in peace. Usually we hurt each other and then we regreted.
 
In our tele-conversation yesterday, when daddy said “don’t worry, we are used to be alone…”. My heart was thoroughly torn into pieces. I hate myself for being so disobedient, which always gave my parents hard time. I have been the trouble-maker of the family since my childhood.
 
I do feel so sorry and guilty to my parents, but it’s too hard to make any change. Character is something planted in the body and melted in the blood. Damn aquarius!(this is not a good excuse)
 
Sometimes we deeply hurt the one(s) we love most, although we are NOT intended to.